I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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