At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
