Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
