I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
