and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
