Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
