i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
