I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
