she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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