I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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