On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
