Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
