Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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