So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
