I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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