yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
