Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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