she woke up with a sticky ear
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
