this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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