This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My dick has a subreddit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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