Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
