I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You smell like stripper and shame
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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