OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i believe in u and ur pee
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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