U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
