Cold hands, warm shart.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
