Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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