i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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