That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
