Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
