Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
