There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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