he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
