I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
