And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
