He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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