If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
