The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I cockslap morals
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
