i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
