never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
