I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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