Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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