Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
