Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
