I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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