i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they need to just BURY HIM!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i drank out of a bidet.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
