And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
