did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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