I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
