Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
