I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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