It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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