I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Say something about gay babies.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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